How it Feels Like to Finally Admit to Myself that I am Bisexual

I am 28 years and a half old and for the first time in my life I can say with confidence that I am bi sexual. Feels good to say that, feels right to finally truly realize it. In a way I have known this for a long time though, but it took me a while to be able to fully admit that to myself.
When I was a teenager, I started of course to like boys in a different way, but at the same time I also started to look at girls differently. I never really went full on with these thoughts and so far I only fell in love with men. But still, there was always a part of me that kind of felt drawn to girls as well. But imagining how it would feel like to be with a girl made me feel ashamed and it still kind of does. Even writing these words and thinking about posting this story is making me feel sick. But I read once that the stories that make you want to throw up when you share them, are the ones which actually inspire other people. And this is why I want to continue to write and share my process here, to help some of the people who are reading this, maybe you, to start living their lives in the way they truly want to. The way that your soul wants to experience itself.
Even though I knew it was true deep down that I am as much into girls as I am into guys, I did not allow myself to actually accept this as a truth. I have some close friends who are gay, and I had a lot of conversations about being gay or not, but I kept telling others and myself that I might want to try having sex with a girl, but that I still knew that I was very much straight.
And every time thoughts about being with a girl came into my head, I pushed the actual truth I knew deep down aside and kept telling myself that I was not into girls. Like, I admitting that I find certain women hot, talking with my ex boyfriend about how I would marry Emma Watson in a second was no problem, but the thought of actually sleeping with a girl scared me.
When talking about it, I copied experiences and beliefs of other people and told them to others and myself until I saw them as my experiences and beliefs. A friend of mine once told me, that she had sex with a girl but did not really like it, so I thought that I sure would also not like it, that I would possibly will also miss a dick at one point.
And then I started to tell myself that I would first need to actually have sex with a girl in order to see if I would really be into girls as well. Well, I don’t know how you see that, but how is this supposed to work? You won’t find yourself in a situation where you will magically have the opportunity to sleep with a girl without first admitting to yourself that you actually want to. Because in order to have sex with anybody for that matter, you will first need to put yourself and your intentions out there, no?
Anyway, until recently pushing it aside worked very well, and every time I saw a girl I found hot, I just ignored the fact that I might want to get to know her better. And then I met this very cute girl in my hostel who for the first time in my life made it clear that she might want to have sex with me. Well, the Universe has its ways and this time I chose to not ignore this feeling anymore.

And let me tell you, I have no had sex with a girl yet. At the moment I feel like a teenager again, discovering this new side of myself and figuring out how things work on this side of the rainbow.
But, I know that I am into girls, I know that I am bi. I know it, because I can now finally admit (mostly to myself) that I would really want to be with a girl. At the moment even more then with any guy. So I will put myself out there and let’s see what happens. Maybe I even find a woman to fall in love with. Life continues to be an adventure and I guess you really never are done with learning and remembering who you really are.